Pointless Drunks and Cats
by laura loom
Summary: Warning: Fun, and pointless. Jace is drunk. Clary is drunk. Isabelle is fed up, and Alec is the designated driver. Oh yeah, and Chairman Meow is a terrorist Nazi...


There was rain. And thunder. And there was a red- headed, severely short girl wandering the streets. Her walk was loopy, her talk (and talk she did, even though she was entirely alone) was loopy, and now that I think about it, she was just all around loopy. She was the epitome of loopiness, and-

She wandered in ever-growing puddles, staggering around, and as I said before, talking to herself.

"…Jace said that it wasn't strong, but he lied, stupid blond stud. Too much… Jaceness in one person is never a good thing, and that should have warned me."

She paused and shook her finger at her invisible companion, as one might shake a finger while scolding a small child.

"So naturally… naturally I should have know that they weren't kidding with the ONE tequila, TWO tequila, THREE tequila, floor-"

And slipped on the pavement with an OOF! startling an extremely plump alley-cat that just happened to have been silently following her.

"Owww." She said, suddenly sounding very sad. "oww."

And she just sat there for a while, recounting the day's events to herself…

TWO HOURS EARLIER

"Aww come on Clary! It's not like we haven't done it before, and with Alec as the designated driver-" Alec huffed. "it's not like we'll crash and die or anything!" Jace said, waving his hands around, and speaking in a way that made Clary think he'd already had a drink or two.

"I just don't think that we should be doing that right now- I mean with everything that's been happening recently, I think it would be best if we were all sober."

Clary tried in vain to reason with Jace, but as he was already slightly intoxicated, reason sounded less like reason, and more like _pish POSH_, which is exactly how Jace responded to her.

"Pish POSH! That is PRECISELY why we should ALL loosen up a little. **Hiccup**! We all **need** this Clary, and you KNOW it!" Jace persisted.

This futile argument stretched on for quite some time until Isabelle interrupted.

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKES! IT JUST ISN'T WORTH IT! LET'S JUST GO!" She yelled at them both.

Jace smirked.

They left for a nearby pub, and spent a considerable time downing some shots, until Alec insisted on driving everyone home.

However, Jace and Clary, as the only two drinkers left standing, insisted on finishing their 'contest,' and stayed at the bar with the promise that they'd be done and ready for Alec to pick them up in ten minutes.

Big mistake.

"Yurrr drunk"

"Naww YURR URRR!"

"URRRRR!"

"URRRRRR!"

"MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Eh, what?"

It was going fine, until, in a drunken fury at Clary beating him, Jace stumbled out of the joint, with Clary following close behind.

She soon lost him in the crowds (aka, a few passersby), and thus she was here: drunk and sad.

"Clary?" a voice questioned.

"Yus?"

"It's Alec…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, and, in an effort to escape, promptly fell into a ditch.

"Woah there!" Alec said, and helped her up.

"Oh. Hi Alec," Clary said sheepishly.

"What on earth was that?"

"Oh that?" Clary shrugged. "who knows. How did you find me? *hiccup*"

"Oh. Chairman Meow told me."

"He TOLD you? AHHHHHHHHH!" and with that, Clary booked it right out of there, with Alec staring after her in a severe state of bewilderment.

Here's what Clary thought he meant by the simple words, "Chairman Meow told me."

Smoking on a cigar stuck in a pipe was a ridiculously small cat/hamster.

"So tell me Jones, what have you got fa me?" the Chairman said in a ridiculously low voice.

"Weeeeellll." said a plump cat with a high voice. "I saw CLarY outside a bar, and-"

"Chairman Meow!" the small cat blurted out.

"Eh, what?"

"Chairman Meow I said! YOU!" the miniscule cat said with a slap. "MUST!" with another slap. "ADDRESS! ME!"

Chairman sat back into his seat once more.

"Now where were we, Jones?"

"Well, I was saying-"

Chairman sat up threateningly.

"Chairman! Chairman!" he squeaked. *clears throat* "Chairman, I was saying that I spotted Clary-"

"And you DIDN'T REPORT IT TO ME? What kind of insolent *slap* dumb *slap* clueless *slap* sour milk eatin'...

And all of this was running through Clary's mind as Alec said those words to her. And in those moments Clary realized it.

"ALEC!" Clary screamed.

"What?" Alec asked, alarmed.

"I know what he is!"

"WHAT?"

"CHAIRMAN MEOW IS A NAZI-TERRORIST!"

**Once again, I'm sorry guys. I don't know what happens to me when I have a computer to do my bidding. I just don't know.**


End file.
